Okay, so I am afraid of the dark.

So I have never actually lived on my own. This is the first time in my life that I am living as just one person in my home, while it is one of the greatest things that has happened to me, it also scares me. I know that I am almost 23 years old, but I am deathly afraid of the dark. Everytime I go outside when its dark I am convinced someone is going to come out of the darkness and kill me with a chainsaw. In Morocco this fear has subsided a little knowing that there is virtually no crime and the only murder in the last 5o years happened 10 years ago where two men were fighting and one got stabbed and died about 15 miles away from here. Basically, there is very little risk that someone is going to murder me, much less than when I lived in DC, Baltimore or even Charleston.

All of the logic I can summons does not help me with my crazy fear.

My fear hit a pinnacle the other night. During all of my time in America, I cannot come up with even one time where someone beat on my door in the early hours of the morning. On Monday night I decided to go to sleep early and hit the sack around 10:30pm. At 2:45am I hear a constant bang on my door. First I heard it in my dreams then it didnt stop, so I woke up, scared to death. The knocking didn't stop. I was sitting on my bed, glued to the wall with my heart beating about 150BMP. I really thought I was going to have a heart attack. I really don't know what I thought someone wanted. As a disclaimer, the first night I was sleeping in my house alone, some man knocked on my door at 11:30pm for no apparent reason. I assumed that maybe it was the same man wanting God only knows what. As I waited in panic a million thoughts ran through my mind. I finally worked up the nerve to move to the other side of the room and grab my phone. With no emergency line to call, I had to call my counterpart. She immediately answered the phone and in my half broken Tashlheet and half crying voice she said she would be right over. About 5 minutes later she knocks and immediately begins laughing.

As it turns out, a small child had been stung by a scorpion while he was sleeping and the poor mother was just knocking on anyone's door trying to get help. I am not sure why she thought I would be able to help her but she was very desperate. My counterpart had run into her on the way to my house and so by the time she got there I was in tears and she was laughing. I was slightly embarrassed that I had reacted this way but she was understanding and went home. The next morning she had told the whole village and I have spent the past few weeks explaining to people that I am afraid of the dark. I now have multiple offers for guests to sleep at my house and "protect" me from the dark.

I really don't mind being the silly American girl who is afraid of the dark. After all, before moving to Morocco I was still a silly American girl who was afraid of the dark, too.

Oh and as a side note, my fears of someone breaking into my house are completely unfounded. I have only one outside window and it is 8 ft off the ground, has a wooden shudder and a wire cage preventing someone from getting in. My front door is made of metal and has 3 dead bolts. Maybe I am just a little paranoid :)