I have a dear and very wise friend here in the Peace Corps who recently presented some alternative slogans for Peace Corps (currently slogan is Peace Corps: The Toughest Job You Will Every Love). My favorite is, Peace Corps: You have never been so conflicted about a job you're not sure you had.
I belly laugh every time I read this quote because of how true it is. Volunteers consistently find themselves conflicted about their "role" here. From trying to decide in what capacity they can actually help to locating viable counterparts and even deciding the true sustainability of projects, volunteers and constantly trying to figure out their role here. I think this is part of the experience. Part of learning and being is a constant quest trying to find out who you are and where you fit into the universe, Peace Corps is no different.
I have been thinking a lot about this recently with the decision to move sites. My community has been so welcoming and open to me and I feel like they were more worthy of the few projects I provided for them. If I could, I would buy my cooperative that car they need to sell their products all over Morocco, I would build a new women's center complete with TVs and computers and sewing machines, I would even open a brand new health center so sick children could have a Pediatrician to see. The reality is that I cannot do these things and that by doing these things, my community would not greatly benifit in the long-term.
Peace Corp's development model of "sustainable" development is tough. The simple thing to do is buy, or build, the much harder thing to do is to teach someone how to buy or build their own things. This process is difficult and takes time. The sole purpose of volunteers going abroad for 2 years is that volunteers NEED that time to be able to get some sustainable projects done. Their community needs to trust them and care for them in-order for things to happen.
After thinking about my community and the things I have helped them with, I came to the realization that I cannot be of benefit to them or myself any longer. There are too many external factors that are inhibiting our combined success and by grinding away the next 10 months would only leave me discouraged and them disappointed.
As you can see, there is a lot of conflict in this "job" if that is indeed what it is. My day-to-day job is to do things like make friends, drink tea and throw out ideas. Most of the development work is do is in small groups and families, just 3 or 4 people at a time talking about hand washing, waste disposal and women's rights in Morocco. These impacts will certainly be the greatest but are indeed the most difficult to measure. I don't know too many other jobs where 2/3 of your job description is making friends, learning and sharing American culture. I feel lucky to have this job and this time to be able to live my life away from the hustle and bustle of American society. I know for a fact there is value in this type of work, this small-scale face to face work, it's just not a value that can be accurately displayed on a resume or reported on a spread-sheet.
I am certainly conflicted about the decision to leave but know that I can be of value to my new community as well. It's going to take work, hard work and a lot of day-to-day, face-to-face meetings to get on my feet, but I see promise and hope in a new beginning. I feel that leaving Ait Erkha is best for my community and myself and know that I made an impact, however small, on a few people's lives. It's not the "world peace" embodied on the Peace Corps banners, but it's something and that is certainly better than nothing at all. As we say in my region of Morocco "imik s imik", or little by little, changes will happen. Good things come to those who wait after-all, right?
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