The Rain Has Only Just Begun

On this rainy and cold November day, I am reminded of the reality of the coming months. After months and months of nearly unbearable heat and relentless sunshine, the coming season will be filled with puddles, rain, mud and most annoying--cold. I believe that everyone faces retro-grade amnesia during times of less-than-ideal life conditions. We block out just how terrible certain times in our lives were, but in this case, the memories of last winter --the weeks spent in my sleeping bag--are flooding back to my shivering body. While Southern Morocco doesn't experience cold the same way as other parts of Morocco, the lack of home insulation and central heating makes every five degree drop in temperature that much worse. My cinder blocks covered in concrete just don't do that well at keeping the chill out and the heat in as I would like. Where is some fiberglass insulation when you need it? At 66F, my house is chilly enough to need long pants, a sweatshirt and my American slippers (which are a life saver). Unfortunately this is only the begging of a long and rainy winter.

Despite the cold/ rain, today has been a productive day. I completed my Small Project's Assistance proposal,  made all the goodies I need for this week's meals (i.e. applesauce, peanut butter, lentils, beans, barley, etc) and took a visit to the post office where I got a new IPod cord. Some very nice volunteer friends of mine offered to mail me an extra cord they had lying around, because in the past three weeks I have purchased three separate cords from three separate shops in an attempt to charge my Ipod and Iphone. Two failed within hours of plugging them in, and the third lasted a solid week even after it nearly lit my surge protector on fire, and tripped the breaker. Since I can't buy an Apple brand cord, I have had to settle for the Chinese knock-off versions, which are not serving me well at all.

The post office also had a great Halloween themed box from the lovely Kuhn clan complete with Halloween stickers I gave to the neighbor kids. The candy is always appreciated but I have been on a "let's eat better" kick lately so I divided up the boxes, in an attempt to prevent eating the entire thing (or all of them) at once.

I also made a trip to the local police and got my identity card receipt updated since I still don't have my official (aka laminated) card proving that I am allowed to be. Granted, I turned in all the necessary paperwork on April 17th. It has been over six months of waiting. Hopefully it comes before Rome, but that seems doubtful so I guess I will just pray it comes before my late-April departure.

Yes, it's cold. I don't like it, not one bit.

I also got to spend three days this week in Fez presenting some advice to the newest group of volunteers dealing with harassment. Along with two other volunteers, we covered types of harassment volunteers face, and best-practices to deal with this unwanted and undeserved attention. I have mentioned this before many in-a-blogpost but sexual harassment here in Morocco is terrible. From men constantly soliciting me for sex, to people knocking on my door at all hours of the night, it seemed for a while that I couldn't step out of my front door without wanting to assault every many I saw. Those days were particularly dark and difficult to deal with, so when I was approached by Peace Corps staff to help start a Harassment Working Group, I was ecstatic. Presenting this week was the best realization of just how far I have come. From angry, bitter, and in need of counseling, to someone with the necessary tools--both internal and external--to deal with, and thrive throughout my service. 


I wasn't about to let the way getting harassed feels define my service, I thought I deserved more than that. The new volunteers are facing the same difficult circumstances I endured, possibly even worse, so my hope is that our training empowered them in some small way, enabling them to take back control of their service, and not let the way some men act define how the feel everyday. My hope would be that none of them spend days in their house, too afraid to venture outside, like I did early-on.


The other great thing about this training was that immediately after our session, the volunteers found out where their new communities, and homes, were going to be. They got their site placements. Some were so happy, others were crying out of fear. I was immediately taken back to April 2010 when we were in the same place, scared out of our minds, and unsure what to expect about this new place we would have to spend two years living in. 


With no measuring stick, these volunteers just got a name and some numbers on a piece of paper. What they didn't know is how awesomely far they are going to go in the next months. From a name on a  piece of paper to a community, a feeling of belonging, and the confidence that comes with doing something really difficult, like moving to a village all by yourself. I was so excited for them, their whole service, and their whole lives are ahead of them. 


As I am finishing up things in my final six months, they are just beginning what will undoubtably be a life-changing and defining experience. I guess I hadn't realized just how far I had come, and how much I had changed until I saw them in the same place I was. They became my measuring stick, a way for me to see just how different things look just twenty short months after I was in that same place. I can hardly believe how far I have come, how far we all have come. 


After talking out these revelations with our Country Director, Peggy, I realized that most volunteers don't realize just how much stuff they have overcome, how much strength they have, and how far they have come since they boarded that plane in America. Peace Corps changes people, it has certainly changed me. I know there is a lot of criticism out there about the Peace Corps, it's treatment of victims of violence, the real effectiveness of the development work, and how much of an impact the volunteers are actually making on a local level and I don't disagree. I think that there is great need for improvements, like in all organizations, but I know for a fact that Peace Corps does good both domestically and abroad. Communities who only know America from T.V. meet Americans, real people with real lives. They realize we are not the war-crazy, money hungry, sluts they thought we were but instead people with families and dreams, just like them. Most importantly, Peace Corps provides America with a citizenry that is educated in cultures and life-styles far different from the one they know. The people who go abroad as volunteers come back as better citizens for humanity, with more respect for differences and the confidence to take on really difficult challenges. This can only mean good things for America.

I guess this past week has just been one of those "come-to-Jesus" weeks, where my reality has finally caught up with me. Twenty-one months ago I was an American college graduate who loved bar-hopping and college football. I was defined by my university, my sorority, my lifestyle and my hometown. Twenty months later I am an American Peace Corps volunteer defined not by those things but by my native English language, my wearing of pants instead of skirts, and the fact that I am not slaughtering a whole sheep for the big holiday.

Things sure have changed for me, but definitely for the better. Hopefully when I get home in late April you will all agree I have changed for the better, and if not, we can cross that bridge when we get there.

Thanks for reading. I love you all. Thank you for your support, as always.

Happy almost- Eid El-Kebir (the Big Holiday).