So there is a Moroccan Arabic term that will prove necessary for this next blog post, misgene (mesk-g-eene). This term loosley means "you poor pitiful thing". It is used to identify sad and gross looking cats and now I using it to identify myself. I was not the greatest of fashinoistas in America but given the right amount of assistance and some time, I could clean up quite nicely. I didn't realize I would loose this quality so quickly after moving to Morocco.
My shirts are developing holes, my pants are loosing their structure and my jeans are just a little too faded and baggy to be considered nice. When I came to Morocco I brought pretty quality clothing that was certanly free of holes and stains, I am afraid that my dear old clothes just haven't been as resiliant in this Moroccan climate as I would have liked. My FAVORITE JCrew shirt recently developed two holes in the arm and when Jessie pointed it out, I almost started crying because we were at church which is a rare ocassion and this was my "nice" shirt that I had brought to attend.
I believe that hand washing is really hard for clothing. I know that normally you only hand wash delicates but I have been hand washing everything I own for 6 months now and my clothes are not looking "delicate". I am also constantly suprised at how dirty the water is after just washing a few things. I guess that the rocks, dirt and sand of my region just accumulate on my clothing and I just dont even notice until its time to wash them. I could go weeks in American with one pair of jeans and then when I washed them, the water didn't instantly turn brown. I suppose the combination of rough climactic conditions, hand washing and hanging them out to dry has just challenged my clothing to a level most Americans dont ask their clothing to go.
I give you this preface so that you can better understand why I feel misgene most all of the time. When I first got to site I had only been in country 2 months and my clothes were looking fine. 80%. I used to put on coordinated things and only wear newly washing clothes, but those days quickly faded. It is nearly impossible to wear recently washed things all of the time strictly because of the amount of time it takes to wash and dry my clothes. The matching quickly ended when I realized no one else in my village cared if I was wearing black pants and a dark blue sweater. About 3 months into living in my village we had a big festival. Many very beautiful and put together women and men from big cities like Rabat, Casablanca and Marrakech came down to celebrate with us, and that is when I knew I had reached a critical point.
I walked into a room with about 10 or so very put together Moroccan women from the big city since there were rumors that some of them spoke English. Immedately after walking in they began asking me (in English) when I moved to my village. I told them I had lived in country 5 months and in Ait Erkha for only 3. The next statements were what shocked me and cemented my idea that I was quickly becoming misgene. The women asked me if I dressed like this in America then if I would like to go with some of them to Rabat or Casablanca to pick out some nice clothes to wear. The saddest part was that I was wearing my "nicer" outfit since I knew we were having company. Oh man.
I always feared that the day would come when I would turn into a Peace Corps hippie or a "dirty bleed kid" as Jancy so fondly refers to us, but I just didn't think it would happen so soon. After all I am only 1/4 of the way into my service, I still have another year and a half to go.
Fearing that I was the only new volunteer feeling misgene, I chatted with some of my fellow PCVs to get their perspectives. Turns out pretty much everyone is feeling the exact same way. I never envisioned the day would come when I would feel underdressed for Rabat or have trouble sleeping at night thinking about what I brought that I could possibly wear out when I am in Israel.
For the most part, my misgene-ness doesn't affect my job performance and if anything, allows me to stand out less (if that is possible) in my region. I had little issue with it, since my self-confidence has been knocked down so many times already in this country, until we started planning this trip to Israel. I had no idea that my attire would be the thing stressing me out most about Israel. I have this great fear that we will get to a bar/ club in downtown Tel Aviv and the man at the door with see through my facad and identify the "dirty bleed kid" inside of me and not let me in. For now I am pulling out clothes that don't have holes, borrowing clothes from fellow volunteers and just praying that a hot shower and some makeup will be good enough to fool everyone in Israel.
Also I have had my first shirt fatality. I feared this day would come. My dear yellow tee shirt, purchased for $4 at an outlet mall in Charleston has reminants of chocolate ice cream, too many holes to count and has lost all of its structure. I still wear it when I am in my house but it was been taken out of comission for all future trips. I am sad because this shirt was a favorite but after much encouragement from some friends and a harsh look in the mirror, I must retire it. This is certanly saying something if a shirt is TOO misgene to wear outside.
I share this personal story with you, not so that you can feel like you need to send me clothes to make me not misgene, the lack of showers, excessive dirt and the absense of makeup are doing a good enough job of that, even with nice clothes. I just want you to understand and empathize so that when I get off the plane, either for a visit home or at the end of my service, you do not look at me and cringe. You can look at me with empathy and then accompany me to the nearest store where I will slowly begin the long process of learning how to not be misgene again.
No comments:
Post a Comment