Moving Out.

It's official, I have moved out of Anezi. My host family came early morning on Saturday and collected all of my things and as difficult as it was, I had to say good bye for one last time. 

A few days at Hannah's, now a day in Agadir and then off to Rabat. This crazy journey is coming to an end.

All of my stuff in the alley way outside of my house.

My host mother and host sister outside of my house.

I really was sad to say goodbye to my host mother.

All of my stuff, going back to Ait Erkha.

Packing

My entire existence in Morocco fits into one green suitcase.

Terrifyied. Sad. Anxious. Excited. Nervous. Emotional.

Unstable.

Leaving Anezi tomorrow, saying goodbye to everyone I know and love here. Morocco has been good to me. Anezi has been good to me. Ait Erkha has been really good to me. I am sad to see it all go so soon.

Five Things to Take/ Five Things to Leave

My dear friend Jancy suggested making a list like this might be a good way to hash out some of the insanity that is currently occupying my brain. Here is what I came up with.

To Take:
1. Patience, empathy and my newfound cultural appreciation
2. My new healthy livestyle and eating habits
3. Frugality and living simply
4. Time for self-reflection
5. Appreciation for even the smallest successes

To Leave:
1. Not fun and difficult to pronounce Tashlheet/ Arabic words
2. The constant and relenting dirt and dust that coats everything
3. Looking like a local and not showering
4. Loneliness and boredom
5. All the negative feelings I have about Moroccan men and harassment

Keys.

Twenty-six months ago I rid myself of my keys. I sold my car to my parents, returned my house key and was suddenly keyless. It was liberating.

Now, 750 days later, I am keyless again. My landlord came by, collected all of my keys and with it, my responsibilities.

For the next few weeks I relish in the freedom that exists from being keyless. I no longer have to worry about loosing them. I no longer have the responsibility attached to them. Freedom.

Useful things I learned in the Peace Corps

1. How to light a lighter
2. How to bathe in a bucket
3. How to use a squatty potty
4. How to entertain myself for hours on end, with just my thoughts
5. How to block everyone/everything around you out when walking/ riding a bus
6. How to sleep through the call to prayer blasting over the loud speaker
7. How to wash my clothes in a sink with only shampoo
8. How to pack for weeks on end in a small backpack
9. How important the internet/ phone reception is to my mental sanity
10. How to buy everything you need to live in weekly increments
11. How to communicate with little to no language at all
12. How to wear many layers of clothes in the African heat
13. How to sit in the back of a cab with three other people
14. How to travel for hours on end, patiently
15. How to eat seasonally and appreciate not having to
16. How important trips to a real grocery store are
17. How to survive the worst stomach parasites imaginable
18. How to comfortably sleep on the floor, any floor
19. How to correctly apply bug spray to prevent getting eaten alive at night
20. How to be patient
21. How to be empathetic and understanding to cultures completely opposite of my own
22. How important being able to communicate daily/ weekly with family and friends is
23. How gratifying communicating in a new language is
24. How the smallest gestures can mean the most to someone
25. How much better familiar food can make you feel
26. What new clothes can do for your self esteem
27. How much value lies in your own familiar culture
28. How hard it is to adapt to a new culture
29. How terrible and contagious negative group moral is
30. How important persistence and diligence is in getting work done
31. How to self-motivate
32. How much I love reading and studying
33. How to not get dehydrated in the desert
34. How to not fear bugs
35. How much work kids will do for candy
36. How women all over the world just want a venue to get together and chat
37. How to earn the respect of people who have a lot of pre-conceived notions about you already
38. How to live simply, with little possessions
39. How to value the few things I have
40. The value of new and different things/ ideas
41. How much better American music is than Tashlheet music
42. How important insulation is in keeping us happy
43. How angry being cold makes me
44. How important daily showering is for my mental sanity
45. How hard multi-tasking is in multiple languages
46. How much easier it is to visit people when you can sleep in your own bed at the end of the night
47. How to live and travel with basically no money
48. How to cook from the most basic ingredients imaginable
49. How much fun traveling is
50. How to take time to focus on that sense of self and how much better that feels

A Few "Last" Visits

For the better part of the last two years, I have been an active participant in the "I will come back later" game. Every time I visited a city, a souk (market) or some place cool, I was like, "I don't need to buy that now because I can always come back later and get it." The reality is that I have finally come to the point where I won't be coming back. With less than two weeks left in country, I have a lot of shopping to do.

This past weekend I decided I wanted to do a final tour of my favorite city, Essaouira. I was going to get a massage, buy a leather bag and eat some delicious meals with my Essa crew. After spending a full day in Essa, I was convinced to head to Marrakech for one last final night on the crazy Jemma El-Fnna (and to buy a leather bag). After nearly 4 hours on a crappy bus, I arrived in Marrakech. It was just as crazy as always but I got an opportunity to show some Fullbright students, visit from Spain and Jordan, around the square. It is always more fun to see Morocco through someone else's eyes.

I got lots of cool souvenirs, so much so that I actually ran out of money and had to head back to Anezi. I am excited that my bag is filling up with cool things to remember Morocco by!

Only a few more days left in site and more posts to come about this crazy "closing service" experience.

Nina buying her weekly veggies in Essaouria!

Adam and Dianna eating at Green Wok in Essa.

We had a lot of fun at Green Wok with the nice owner and his cute sweaters.

I love this Essa bread and oil. Yummy.

The blue and white pottery made in Fez but sold in Marrakech. I may have broken some of these plates...

The Fullbright friends I made, Sam and Hannah, who I introduced to Harira and their lives have forever been changed for the better.

Awesome Moroccan shoes.

I love the markets at night.

My Road

I realized on my run yesterday that I only have four more days left to run this road which has meant to so much to me. It is where I have gotten out my frustrations, worked through my anxieties and even lost a few pounds. I love this road, the view and all of the mental clarity it has brought me. I am sincerely going to miss it!

Possible.

I was surfing Pinterest, attempting to get my mind off of the constant anxiety I am feeling these days, and I found a quote that I found quite fitting.

"It always seems impossible until it's done." -Nelson Mandela

My service seemed impossible right from the start. I never thought I would get through that plane ride to Philadelphia, or that first night with my host family during training, or the first year, or the first real challenge I faced, but the truth is that I did. I have been here over two years, and I survived and thrived. I never thought it would happen.

Some volunteers say that they never considered early-terminating, I was not one of those volunteers. I thought about it daily for a few months and staying seemed impossible. It wasn't. I did.

The truth and realization is that I made it and I did it. I completed my Peace Corps service and I am quite proud of the person that came out the other end.

I only have 15 days left in Anezi.

Dental Work in Morocco

A major component of our Close of Service conference was a medical check-out. We have spent two years drinking weird water (I once found a fish living in my drinking-water tank), eating less-than-clean food and living in an unbelievably stressful environment, making our medical 'checking-out' important, really important.

My medical clearance went well, and aside from some possibly life-long parasite friends, I am in good shape. Actually, I am in better shape than when I left, at least physically. My mental state is an entirely different can of worms!

My dental clearance was not as rosy as my medical check-out was. I have always had a lot of dental problems. Most can be associated to my formerly high sugar diet, my past excessive diet-soda drinking and my current lack of flossing. Some are thanks to my damaged dental gene pool. Either way, my first year in Morocco I was cavity free. I was stoked.

This year when I went to the dentist, I expected the same stellar report-card; but alas, it did not come. I had two cavities, one small and one large. The lucky thing for me was that since my dental appointment wasn't until Friday, I got to spend the weekend in Rabat on Peace Corps' dime, and meet Hillary Clinton. Monday and Tuesday of last week I had my cavities filled and all was good.

By Friday morning, I couldn't think of doing anything but crying because of how much pain I was in. The sad and inevitable truth was that I needed a root canal.

I trudged, unwillingly, back to Rabat on Sunday to get my root canal Monday morning. While the entire experience wasn't too bad (thanks to the excessive novocaine), I would not desire to repeat it anytime soon. Having tiny needles drilled in and out of the root of my tooth was not that enjoyable and the sound of metal on my tooth drove me wacky.

The one saving grace to the entire experience was that I got to see my actual tooth nerve. I have never seen a tooth nerve, and before Monday I was only vaguely aware that my teeth even had nerves. After using this really long and scary screw-looking drill, the dentist pulled out this long stringy thing from my tooth. It was my nerve.

I could never cut it as a doctor or a nurse, even a dentist. I can't handle the "eww" factor of many medical things but I think I could cut it as a medical examiner. I think the human body is fascinating and the more cool parts I get to see in real-life the better.

The nerve is the long pinkish string-like thing on the lid of the cup.

That's the Dentist holding my nerve with his tools.

Some of you may be grossed out by the photo and for that I am sorry. I was fascinated. The dentist told me I am the first person ever to request a photo. Success.

Meeting Hillary!

I spent the second to last week in February in Rabat with my fellow stage-mates in our close of service conference. Towards the end of the week, rumors started buzzing that Hillary Clinton was coming to Morocco and that some PCVs might even get to attend the event. After a very short sign up time, it was confirmed that about 60 of us would get to attend the event. Woo hoo.

On Sunday February 26th, we got dressed up and headed to the Embassy to hear Hillary speak. She was on her way back to the states after some meetings in North Africa (Algeria, Tunisia, ect) and stopped by Morocco to break ground on the new (and NEEDED) embassy complex. We were just lucky enough to be around and get invited. The crowd was small and it was extremely easy to see and understand her!

After a few hours of waiting, Hillary came and delivered a speech on the long standing unity between Morocco and the United States. Morocco was the very first country to recognize the United States, before we had even won the Revolutionary War in 1777. The speech was great, there were a few shout-outs to the Peace Corps and its work in Morocco, and even a group photo with some Moroccan and American kids who's parents work for the US Embassy and Peace Corps.

I was lucky enough to have moved to the front of the crowd just in time for her to walk the perimeter and shake my hand. It was really cool.

We spent the rest of the day relishing in the 'meeting Hillary' glow. It was a really cool experience and one I feel lucky to have had. 

Jancy, Scott and myself waiting to see Hillary.

Hannah came all the way up from the Souss to see Hillary.

Ambassador Kaplan, his wife and Hillary at the US Embassy in Morocco.

Luis and I waiting for Hillary inside the Embassy compound.

Our medical gal, Hanane and her adorable family!

Hillary walking around the crowd shaking hands.

Jancy, Sami and Nina with their 'meeting Hillary' afterglow.

Two Years In.

Yesterday marked my two-year anniversary in Morocco. Yes, two-whole-years.

On March 3rd, 2010, 70-ish of us Americans arrived in Morocco, naive and unsure of what the adventure had in store for us. I was a scared mess. Crying and shaking, the man next to me on my flight to Philadelphia moved.

Now, two years later, I am confident and capable of my skills in Morocco but I am scared to start the transition back.

It has been a long and difficult but extremely rewarding two years. I have learned a lot, experienced a lot and been through some of the most challenging times in my life. I am grateful to have had the chance to do that.

With my Close-of-Service date only one month away (April 4th), I am beginning to feel the tangible realization that this journey is finally coming to a close. After years of "going home" being an abstract concept, it is finally a real thing. I have a date and a time where I will land back in the country I love, to the food I enjoy and the people I want to be around. I couldn't be more excited, or be freaking out more!

See you all April 5th at 2:10pm.

Wrap-Up Celebration! (I couldn't be more proud)

This post is a little delayed, sorry for that. I thought I had published it, but I guess this new Blogger set-up had me confused... again.

On Thursday, February 2nd the local commune and myself, paired with a grant from the Mid-Missouri Returned Peace Corps Volunteer Association hosted a wrap-up/ celebration/ sustainability meeting for the five communities and four associations who have constructed water towers in the last year.

I cried four times during the event. I was so proud of the commune, the associations and the communities that have worked so hard in the last year to get running water. 

We held the event at a room in the local commune building, which was decorated and set up just for us. The commune staff even put together a really professional video showing all of the pictures of the communities constructing their water towers. I really got a big kick out of the video, and anyone who comes to my welcome back party on April 13th will get to see it.

After summaries were given, local leaders spoke and we watched the movie, we started giving out certificates. Sarah-Kate and I gave certificates to all of the associations as well as local leaders and Lahcen, our counterpart. The commune gave certificates to myself, Sarah-Kate as well as the associations to congratulate them on a job well done.

The event was a smashing success. We ate delicious cookies, mingled and discussed ideas for future projects. I really am proud of all of the communities and their hard work over the past year. Their success is inspiring.

My counterpart Lahcen, giving me my certificate!

Me giving the certificate to the President of the Association we worked with.

All of us who came to the event!

Lot's of snacks, cookies, tea and juice!

The gift they gave us, these awesome VERY locally popular shoes.

The men who got us the gifts, my site-mate and myself. 

Lahcen was so excited about his certificate!

This is the really nice certificate they gave us for completing the projects!

My Journey.

I have been internally debating for some time whether or not I wanted to post something so personal on such a public forum, but after reading A LOT of other weight-loss blogs and seeing the benefits they got from the accountability, I decided to do it.

As of today, I have officially lost 50lbs.

It has been a tough journey, with a lot of hiccups along the way, but it has been worth it.

I have needed to do this for a REALLY long time.

For a long time I feared the scale. I feared mirrors and cameras. I was afraid to see just how much I had lost control. In September 2011, after realizing how much food dictated my entire day, I decided to commit myself fully to loosing the weight for good. Since then, I have lost 35lbs, bringing my total loss up to 50lbs.

I feel better, eat better, exercise more and am much happier with myself now that I have begun the steps to end my toxic relationship with food.

          January 2012 at 160lbs!

Spring 2009 at 210+ lbs

I wanted to take time to thank everyone for thier support and continued encouragement while I try to knock off these last 10lbs. 

For all of you out there embarking on the same journey, best of luck!

Thanks for supporting me through this, and through everything. I love you all.

I'm Leaving On a Jet Plane

My flight is booked to America.

I will be leaving Casablanca, Morocco at 12:55am on April 5th. I have two layovers (Germany and Chicago), and will finally land in St. Louis at 1:50pm on April 5th.

I couldn't be more excited.

Less-than-two-months!

A Celebration for a Job Well Done!

On Sunday, my site-mate and I made the two hour trek to our counterpart's house to celebrate the Prophet Mohammed's Birthday. With lots of delicious cakes and tajines, it was a firm reminder of how much I love celebrations here. We ate lots of cakes, cookies and delicious food and then we got a ride to the village where I recently finished the water tower project.

The people of the town were having a HUGE party, with lots of "out-of-town" residents coming in for the event. The women were dressed to impress in their jewelry, skirts and big white scarves. I felt sort of sad looking in my black jacket and kahkis compared to how dressed up the women were.

We danced, ate, and sang. I had a blast.

The women, nearly sixty of them, were so kind and funny. They even clapped for me when I came into the room. Overall, I am so proud of them and all of their hard work to get this project complete! They are the ones who benefit most from not having to haul water up the mountain, so I am happy for them that the project is done and that we could have a party.

I love Morocco. I love the food, the hospitality and the good times. The people of the village of IGanouin were so kind and helpful to me, treating me as one of their own. This party was a firm reminder of all of the wonderful things I will miss when I leave Morocco in just two short months.

Below are a few of the photos from the event. I forgot my real camera, so my bad Iphone photos will just have to do.

The ladies wanted to dress me up in their elaborate and very heavy jewelry.  I had on six rings and that giant neck piece. It is all made locally and is quite beautiful.

The ladies and their mostly matching skirts. They are unique to this area and yes, those are puff balls. 

It's sort of hard to see, but as a gift the women/men gave us three liter bottles of Argan Oil and three giant pieces of homemade bread. Delicious.

Updates

Despite the "waiting", time is actually progressing pretty quickly. Here are some life updates.

- Yesterday I was accepted to the Lewis and Clark School of Law in Portland, Oregon. Lewis and Clark has one of the best and most prestigious environmental law programs in the U.S. and has been my dream since I was just a wee-child interested in environmental law and policy. Frankly, I am just so happy they accepted me. I am still freaking out. Thanks to their kind acceptance of me, my Mom and I are flying to Portland exactly two days after I land in America from Morocco to do a school visit before the deposit deadline! This also means I get to see my newly-engaged and beautiful friend Brittany in Oregon. She has kindly volunteered to be our chauffeur around Portland! I am really looking forward to the trip, even though it's going to be a chaotic week. We are going to visit Indiana about 12 hours after we land from Portland!

- I recently got rid of my first bags of "stuff"! It seems like just a few days ago I was major-ly stressing about packing for Morocco and now, two years later, I am getting rid of ALL of my stuff. The thought of clearing out my fully stocked house has been stressing me out for a long time. I have accumulated a lot of stuff in two years, and I have to get rid of it ALL before I can board that plane to the good ole US of A. The good news is that my local counterpart Lahcen, and his family, were eager to take some clothes, blankets and trinkets off my hands. Despite me giving them three giant bags full of stuff, they still offered to take more as the time comes! I also got final word from my Host Mother in my original site that she wants my furniture and whatever is left before I leave for my host sister's pending marriage. The end of March I just have to call my truck-guy, Huessin, and he will take the rest of my stuff off my hands for me. At least I know all of my old stuff will be both appreciated and put to good use. I plan on coming back to America with a few souvenirs for myself, my computer, my Kindle and the clothes on my back, saa-fi (that's all).

- Our final work-related wrap up meeting happens this Thursday. I requested a small grant ($150) from the Mid-Missouri Returned Peace Corps Volunteers Association a few months ago to hold a "wrap-up" and sustainability meeting for all of the villages who have recently gotten running water thanks to Peace Corps. My site mate worked with three villages before I arrived and we worked on two together, totaling five new communities with running water. This meeting will focus on making sure the projects stay working and the bills get paid. I am hoping it will be a way to get people together and network making problem solving easier in the future, after we are gone. There will be certificates handed out, fancy cookies eaten and even some expensive juice. It should be fun and most importantly, symbolizes my last official work-event with Peace Corps.

- The person in charge of booking my flight home contacted me today, meaning it's really happening. A flight is getting booked. I will be in America no later than April 6th, 2012. My life-long dream of doing the Peace Corps will finally be completed!

- My coming home party date has officially been set. On Friday, April 13th all are welcome to my house in St. Louis to come and celebrate my glorious return to America. We will have good food and delicious drinks on hand! I am really looking forward to seeing everyone! If you want to come and didn't get my e-mail invite, shoot me an email at carastuckel@gmail.com

- I am on day seven of Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred and let me tell you, it's kicking my butt.

This is how I look after every-single-workout. I am a hot mess.

I will update again after our wrap-up and celebration party on Thursday!

The Waiting Time

My to-do list is about fifty items long and yet none of them can be checked off just yet. What an annoying and frustrating place to be in.

I am back from vacation, feeling excited and nervous about my last few months in Morocco. I have a lot to do here. I have a lot to do to prepare for coming home. Picking up my life, again, and starting from scratch seems daunting and nerve-wrecking, but I knew coming into this that one day it would end. Somedays that fact was the only thing that got me through.

So, for now, I wait. 

Dr. Suess, in all his genius, wrote in Oh the Places You Will Go about the "bad" time, the waiting time. He warned us that waiting is not a good place to be, and it can only lead to less-than-good things. I have headed his warning, but my options are few. I must wait.

I am waiting for the rest of my law school decisions, financial aid packages and information. I am waiting to close my service, pack up my house and leave Morocco for good. I am waiting, and counting the days until I am home again, sleeping my parent's house, eating my mother's delicious food and speaking English all day. I am waiting to pick a future life path. SO. MUCH. WAITING.

For now I pass my days running and reading, planning for my last work-related event. I cook and clean, surf the internet and Skype friends. I daydream about the new IPhone I will buy and the snazzy new clothes I will wear. I get lost thinking about the good times ahead. 

Our Close of Service Conference in Rabat is only four weeks away. While there is a lot to do, there is also very little. The ironies of my life are plentiful.

Only 72 days left in my service. Ten pounds in my weight loss journey. Six schools to hear back from. One more work event. 

Life is winding down so for now I enjoy the waiting, the idleness, because America will not be so kind to me, I fear.

"Rome"-ing Around

If Rome wasn't the most fun vacation I have ever had, I don't know what else is. Great company, great food and amazing sites, it was everything I wanted and more. Plus, as an added bonus, it wasn't freezing cold like I expected! 

I thought I would give you a picture recap instead of writing out everything we did. Let's just say we saw a lot, ate a lot, drank a lot and even got to see the Pope up close and personal. Rome was a blast.

This was day one, we were heading towards the Colosseum and ready to see some sights. Left to right: Danielle (my best friend), Claire (my sister) and Socorra (my fellow Moroccan Peace Corps Volunteer).

We were just so excited to see it up close and personal.

Myself, Claire and Danielle outside of the Colosseum. 

This is the place where the early emperor's of Rome sat, so I was pretending to be the emperor too!

Our first real Italian meal, complete with an awesome bottle of wine and Danielle's happy face.

This is the only picture we got of the four of us inside the Colosseum. It was just as big and awesome as you would expect it to be.

Inside St. Peter's Basilica, it's STUNNING. The most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

This was hands down the best meal we ate in Rome, and possibly the best thing I have ever eaten. It was a Roman-style pizza crust covered in olive oil and spices, then topped with fresh rocket, buffalo mozzarella and cherry tomatoes. YUMMY.

After we climbed 323 stairs to the top of St. Peter's Dome, this was our view. It was simply stunning to see all of Rome.

Danielle and I on top of St. Peter's Dome.

This was the next level down, where we rested and shopped after our tough climb up to the top of the dome.

Hands down the best gelato ever, right outside Vatican City's walls. It was SO YUMMY despite it being SO COLD outside.

The inside of the Pantheon. They call that "pillar" of light the largest single pillar in the world. That hole is 30 ft in diameter and the building has been around 2,000 years.

The best cup of coffee, ever. I know I have been saying that a lot on this post, but this is no lie. I have never had coffee like this, and probably never will again. It was amazing.

This is our "no smiling" Moroccan style picture at dinner on the last night. Also, Danielle and I are rocking our new shirts we got at the Gap in Rome!

This is the view from St. Peter's Dome of Vatican City. 

Danielle, Socorra and Claire making their wishes courtesy of the pennies Claire brought from America into the Trevi Fountain.

Claire and I in front of St. Peters Basilica, inside St. Peter's square.

This was our golden ticket, the one that got us into see the Pope!

Yes, we went back the next day for the same gelato. It was that good.

This is what happens when the wine is so good and there is a mirror in the elevator.

The guy in the middle, wearing white, is the Holy Father himself.