The Rain Has Only Just Begun

On this rainy and cold November day, I am reminded of the reality of the coming months. After months and months of nearly unbearable heat and relentless sunshine, the coming season will be filled with puddles, rain, mud and most annoying--cold. I believe that everyone faces retro-grade amnesia during times of less-than-ideal life conditions. We block out just how terrible certain times in our lives were, but in this case, the memories of last winter --the weeks spent in my sleeping bag--are flooding back to my shivering body. While Southern Morocco doesn't experience cold the same way as other parts of Morocco, the lack of home insulation and central heating makes every five degree drop in temperature that much worse. My cinder blocks covered in concrete just don't do that well at keeping the chill out and the heat in as I would like. Where is some fiberglass insulation when you need it? At 66F, my house is chilly enough to need long pants, a sweatshirt and my American slippers (which are a life saver). Unfortunately this is only the begging of a long and rainy winter.

Despite the cold/ rain, today has been a productive day. I completed my Small Project's Assistance proposal,  made all the goodies I need for this week's meals (i.e. applesauce, peanut butter, lentils, beans, barley, etc) and took a visit to the post office where I got a new IPod cord. Some very nice volunteer friends of mine offered to mail me an extra cord they had lying around, because in the past three weeks I have purchased three separate cords from three separate shops in an attempt to charge my Ipod and Iphone. Two failed within hours of plugging them in, and the third lasted a solid week even after it nearly lit my surge protector on fire, and tripped the breaker. Since I can't buy an Apple brand cord, I have had to settle for the Chinese knock-off versions, which are not serving me well at all.

The post office also had a great Halloween themed box from the lovely Kuhn clan complete with Halloween stickers I gave to the neighbor kids. The candy is always appreciated but I have been on a "let's eat better" kick lately so I divided up the boxes, in an attempt to prevent eating the entire thing (or all of them) at once.

I also made a trip to the local police and got my identity card receipt updated since I still don't have my official (aka laminated) card proving that I am allowed to be. Granted, I turned in all the necessary paperwork on April 17th. It has been over six months of waiting. Hopefully it comes before Rome, but that seems doubtful so I guess I will just pray it comes before my late-April departure.

Yes, it's cold. I don't like it, not one bit.

I also got to spend three days this week in Fez presenting some advice to the newest group of volunteers dealing with harassment. Along with two other volunteers, we covered types of harassment volunteers face, and best-practices to deal with this unwanted and undeserved attention. I have mentioned this before many in-a-blogpost but sexual harassment here in Morocco is terrible. From men constantly soliciting me for sex, to people knocking on my door at all hours of the night, it seemed for a while that I couldn't step out of my front door without wanting to assault every many I saw. Those days were particularly dark and difficult to deal with, so when I was approached by Peace Corps staff to help start a Harassment Working Group, I was ecstatic. Presenting this week was the best realization of just how far I have come. From angry, bitter, and in need of counseling, to someone with the necessary tools--both internal and external--to deal with, and thrive throughout my service. 


I wasn't about to let the way getting harassed feels define my service, I thought I deserved more than that. The new volunteers are facing the same difficult circumstances I endured, possibly even worse, so my hope is that our training empowered them in some small way, enabling them to take back control of their service, and not let the way some men act define how the feel everyday. My hope would be that none of them spend days in their house, too afraid to venture outside, like I did early-on.


The other great thing about this training was that immediately after our session, the volunteers found out where their new communities, and homes, were going to be. They got their site placements. Some were so happy, others were crying out of fear. I was immediately taken back to April 2010 when we were in the same place, scared out of our minds, and unsure what to expect about this new place we would have to spend two years living in. 


With no measuring stick, these volunteers just got a name and some numbers on a piece of paper. What they didn't know is how awesomely far they are going to go in the next months. From a name on a  piece of paper to a community, a feeling of belonging, and the confidence that comes with doing something really difficult, like moving to a village all by yourself. I was so excited for them, their whole service, and their whole lives are ahead of them. 


As I am finishing up things in my final six months, they are just beginning what will undoubtably be a life-changing and defining experience. I guess I hadn't realized just how far I had come, and how much I had changed until I saw them in the same place I was. They became my measuring stick, a way for me to see just how different things look just twenty short months after I was in that same place. I can hardly believe how far I have come, how far we all have come. 


After talking out these revelations with our Country Director, Peggy, I realized that most volunteers don't realize just how much stuff they have overcome, how much strength they have, and how far they have come since they boarded that plane in America. Peace Corps changes people, it has certainly changed me. I know there is a lot of criticism out there about the Peace Corps, it's treatment of victims of violence, the real effectiveness of the development work, and how much of an impact the volunteers are actually making on a local level and I don't disagree. I think that there is great need for improvements, like in all organizations, but I know for a fact that Peace Corps does good both domestically and abroad. Communities who only know America from T.V. meet Americans, real people with real lives. They realize we are not the war-crazy, money hungry, sluts they thought we were but instead people with families and dreams, just like them. Most importantly, Peace Corps provides America with a citizenry that is educated in cultures and life-styles far different from the one they know. The people who go abroad as volunteers come back as better citizens for humanity, with more respect for differences and the confidence to take on really difficult challenges. This can only mean good things for America.

I guess this past week has just been one of those "come-to-Jesus" weeks, where my reality has finally caught up with me. Twenty-one months ago I was an American college graduate who loved bar-hopping and college football. I was defined by my university, my sorority, my lifestyle and my hometown. Twenty months later I am an American Peace Corps volunteer defined not by those things but by my native English language, my wearing of pants instead of skirts, and the fact that I am not slaughtering a whole sheep for the big holiday.

Things sure have changed for me, but definitely for the better. Hopefully when I get home in late April you will all agree I have changed for the better, and if not, we can cross that bridge when we get there.

Thanks for reading. I love you all. Thank you for your support, as always.

Happy almost- Eid El-Kebir (the Big Holiday).

Daily Inspiration

The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you you’re not good enough. On occasion, some may be correct. But do not do their work for them. Seek any jobs; ask anyone out; pursue any goal. Don’t take it personally when they say “no”—they may not be smart enough to say “yes."

~Keith Olbermann

I first saw this quote on a Starbucks cup during college, it has stayed with me all these years. The takeaway message: we are all good enough. Yes, you, even you, you are good enough. 

The Most Excited I Have Been In A While!

When I started the process of applying for law and graduate school in April, I wrote an arbitrary date on my calendar, October 28th, and covered it with the words "ALL APPLICATIONS SUBMITTED". Today is indeed October 28th, a full seven months after writing that date down, and while my beloved St. Louis Cardinals are playing in Game 7 of the World Series, I am celebrating something of my own.

I am done with applications. I have to type this again just to prove how excited I am about it, I AM DONE, YES, DONE.

Eleven law school applications and one graduate application are submitted and complete, ready for review.

Now comes the hard part, the inevitable wait. Hopefully I hear some good (or bad, I guess) news by February/ March. For now, I wait, and work on other pressing stuff since I AM DONE.

Since no one is really around to celebrate my good news, I am having a dance party in honor of my accomplishment, please don't judge me.

Wanna see what it's like to volunteer in Morocco?

Moses in Morocco

Feeling Content

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."

I found this quote on Pinterest, my new addiction, (thanks Brittany) and thought it was quite fitting of my time here.

One of the craziest phenomenon I have witnessed while living here is the cycles of moods and feelings that Peace Corps Volunteers from my group go through. There is an infamous paper Peace Corps handed to us on one of our first days in country called "The Life-Cycle of a Volunteer". I think I have even quoted it in this blog a few times, but essentially the paper is a written and pictorial representation of the way most volunteers feel at any given time. This paper is dead on. Yes, dead on.

I could be one of those crazy physics principals which explains it-- because we observed the paper and understand it, our moods have changed because of it-- but frankly, I doubt it. It just seems that whenever I am feeling a certain way, my fellow 2nd year Environment and Health volunteers are feeling pretty much the exact same way. People who see themselves feeling more negatively than everyone us usually use that as a cue that it might be time for them to re-evaluate their options about living here.

This month is no different. Today, I read two blogs from two friends, both touched on the same point. Then I talked to two friends on the phone, same exact sentiment. We are finally happy here. We finally live here. We are not as anxious to leave or desperate to get out. We finally feel content.

I agree with this sentiment entirely and it's finally a good place to be. Eighteen months in, things are going smoothly. I speak enough of the language, understand enough of the customs/ cultures/ way of life and am less surprised by out-of-the ordinary things. The roller coaster of life here seems to be on one of those flat parts, where we are moving quickly but nothing is changing to suddenly.

I only have about six months left here, I am hoping to leaving mid-April so it's that strange mix of being anxious to leave but not quite ready to go.

Most of my fellow PCV's are applying for schools or looking for jobs. I am included in that bunch. With eight applications and only four more to go, I am on the downhill slope of that as well.

For those of you who have been asking, I will explain my grad/ law school situation a little better. The gist is that for as long as I can remember I have wanted to go to law school. When senior year came around and I should have been applying, I hedged and applied for the Peace Corps. Then when Peace Corps came around, I needed to confront this life-decision again, only this time with a little more perspective.  Frankly, I am grateful I waited. In college I was too near sided, too focused on the present which involved parties, being President and class. I didn't have enough perspective to think long-term. Now, two years later, my life has changed dramatically for the better. I have a better idea of what I want and expect out of life.

Now that I have had the time to come to this epiphany, I have decided that what I should be doing is environmental policy. Whether that be at a local, state or national level I am not sure, but I know it's the right track. I have always loved environmental work and have a great passion for the science. I guess it's what I always thought I should be doing, without, in the past, being able turning the abstract concepts into the tangible.

I am applying to eleven law schools and one graduate program. Both are means to an end. I can do environmental work with either, just two paths leading similar ways. Frankly, I want the graduate program bad, really bad,` but I don't know where life is going to lead and I am just happy to be along for the ride.

Once the applications are submitted, I am just going to cross my fingers and pray someone, anyone accepts me so I can start this next phase of my life. If it doesn't work out, maybe it wasn't supposed to and I can do something else. Things work out the way they are supposed to.

I hope this clears up any confusion and believe me, you will be the first to know if/ when anyone accepts me, so don't worry about that.

In other news, my work project is coming along great. I am currently in the process of writing and submitting my proposal for funding to build the water tower. As it turns out, it is larger and more expensive than we originally thought so we are partnering with other NGO's (non-governmental organizations) to get the rest of the funding. The tower should start construction the middle of November, right after Eid El-Kebir (the biggest Islamic holiday). I am excited.

Alright well I am off to make some chickpea burgers, that is if the chickpeas ever finish cooking. Bye for now.

Oh yeah, only 2 ish months until Danielle and Claire get here and we go to Rome. My ticket is bought and I can't wait. I literally can't wait.